What Psychologists say: How to Increase Your Happiness?

What are practical steps to increase our level of happiness, according to Psychologists who have many years of research?

According to Martin Seligman, the founding Father of positive Psychology Movement, happiness could be modeled using -"P.E.R.M.A.".

Watch my youtube video on Happiness:

# 1: P- Positive Emotions

This is the experience of positive mood, and feelings which are uplifting.

It is beneficial to improve your intellectual abilities, physical health, social relationship, and psychological well being.

This is very individual dependent, and means differently for each one. It could be achieved through various activities that you enjoyed, such as watching a favorite TV Series, going to your favorite coffee shop for a drink, or Saturday night hang-out with friends.

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#2: E- Engagement (or what often called, “flow”)

Engagement is a type of well-being you feel from totally being absorbed in the task at hand, to the extent that you lost track of the passage of time, and feel completely at one with what you are doing. 

Psychology researcher measures engagement by asking people to carry an electronic beeper that beeps at random timing, to prompt the participants to reflect and record what they are doing at that moment, and how they are feeling about it, whether they are completely absorbed in the activities, and whether that brings them happiness.

Maybe for some, it is working on to solve a mathematics problem, and another is the one hour swimming session every week where you can be completely relaxed and calm, or reading that book of your interest where you are totally engaged in the content.

Whatever these activities are, they make you lost track of timing, and you can go on doing it for a long time.

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#3: R- Relationships.

There are Many Research that point to us that, having good, caring, supportive, and dependable interpersonal connections, are vital for your well-being. And this is true for any age in life.

According to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, a Director of Harvard Study of Adult Development, there are three profound findings about the impact of good relationship on wellbeing. This study spanned over 75 years, and tracked the lives of 724 men. Year after year, the study followed up, and asked these participants about their home lives, their health, and general well-being.

The first finding of this longitudinal study, is that, social connections are really good for us. And in contrast, loneliness kills. People who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community, are happier, physically healthier, and lives longer.

Then, The second lesson from the study, shows that, it’s not about the number of friends you have, but, the quality of close relationships, that matters. You got to invest in those few people, who are closed to you, and whom you can depend on, during good times, and bad.

Last but not least, the third finding is that, good relationships don’t just protect our body, it protect our brain from aging and deterioration, such as memory decline. People who have supportive relationships, are found to maintain better memory, even at their old age.

Do you set aside time to bond with colleagues, spouse, family, children, relatives, and friends? to increase your happiness level, Keep on building on those relationships that are supportive! It will benefit your wellbeing through your life time. This, also means that you may need to avoid the toxic relationships that have been putting you down constantly


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#4: M- Meaning.

The perceive of meaning in your life/ things you do is an important foundation that provides direction to your life. With meaning, we can bounce back during adversity and be more resilient in life.

Pursuing meaningful activities are more strongly related to happiness compared to pursuing pleasurable activities. So, The next time you think about whether to invest in a meaningful, family-bonding vacation with your family, or to invest to buy a new luxury bag, you know which one will give you more happiness.

You can contribute value to the people around you or help out your community, or bring advancement to the society.

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#5: A- Accomplishment.

This element comprises of your achievement, success, and mastery of skills, knowledge, and abilities at the highest possible level, to progress towards goals and competence. So, do not be afraid to put in effort and practice, to become an expert in the things you do! Pursue your goals and a higher level of accomplishments. Sometimes, it helps to look back on your success, and give yourself a pet on the back. This will increase your level of happiness.

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Try out these activities, and leave a comment below, what have you done, and whether it is effective for you.

3 Steps to Check: Are you still GROWING?

What is your Motivational Needs? Our Motivational Needs often reflects how we think and what we want. David McClelland, a psychologist proposes 3 primary needs that success seekers will try to satisfy, namely "power", "Achievement", and "Affiliation".

You have to keep on learning to INCREASE your VALUE, in order to keep in progress in this ever advancing society

STEP 1: Are You still Learning New Things?

Don't let the moment you step out of school to be the time you STOP learning.

Asian parents always tell their kids: study well that's the only way to succeed. Yes, education is very important to open our minds, but education is not confined to the four walls of classroom. Coursera is an online platform with interesting online courses from world top universities (e.g. Rice, U. of Michigan, Princeton, UPenn, etc.) that you can take, paid or unpaid. You can also go to Udemy to search for other online lessons uploaded by Subject Matter Experts in their fields.

STEP 2: Do you Teach Others?

In order to deliver VALUE to others, we have to constantly increasing our VALUE by learning and developing ourselves. When we teach others, we will realize how much we know, and it challenges us to learn more and be more proficient than our audience.

STEP 3: Could you Create new content for the field of your expertise?

If you have been doing the same things in your job for a few years now, you may have the skills and expertise to pass on to others. Consider creating content to teach others, and you can do this creatively (e.g. creating training material, writing magazines, blogs, videos, etc).

How are you growing? Leave a comment below!

3 Things: on Living your Dream

Each of us has a dream, if you ask: what would I imagine the state of life at mid-end of the journey? We may find the answer.

Deep down, is there some "dream" that you have been thinking of doing? Some things that only you can deliver the "value"?

Now, do you feel that life and career are with less uncertainties, routines are fixed, and you know all basics of doing things, and have laid your foundation well? You could already be on auto-cruise mode.

At this point, don’t be complacent. 

Shake things up a little by asking yourselves:

1st Thing:      what values could I create in the coming years, and contribute to the society?

2nd Thing:  Is there some things which I love more than other things, and having strength that I can perform certain things easier and better compared to others?

3rd Thing: Is there some hobbies that I have been procrastinating while living the dreams and expectations of others, the society, or because of my own personal fear or lack of motivation to start?

Then it's probably the time to start "that" thing! You probably have enough experience, more matured, and yet still maintaining sufficient energy to pursue your dream.

In doing many things, it takes one step at a time. It doesn't matter how well you do it once, twice, but how consistent or PERSISTENT you can keep on pressing on this habit until you gain success. Sometimes this means doing the habit for a very long time, or indefinitely--for example exercising constantly for the sake of your health.

But you've got to start NOW!

Why being BUSY does not equal to being Productive?

Why Being Busy and Accomplishing Many Things Does not always equates to Being Productive?

Instead of being just PRODUCTIVE, aim to deliver VALUE

Does Productivity contradict with Value?

At 30 years old, one is at the mid-career and carry within sufficient experience yet still maintaining sufficient energy. Instead of being productive, is there any value, new ideas, or new solutions to share?

Some may advocate that Productivity and Value may not contradict each other. But in reality, productivity sometimes needs to be compromised in order to increase the value of work. Just like when writing a good article, in order to ensure that the content is valuable to others, often countless hours, energy, and resources are invested in doing research, writing, and proof-reading. When you slow down to think, you may even realize an alternative way of doing the things you have been doing, in a much simpler or productive way.


In Chris Reining's (a self made millionaire at 37) words:

Kevin Kelly was right when he said, “Productivity is for robots.” It’s naive to think the harder you work, the more hours you put in, the faster you climb. But the key to getting ahead is becoming valuable, and then showing that value.

Being aggressive, continuously striving or achieving, is not always better

As a result oriented person, or a high achiever, you may be tempted to be always on the move, so that you don't miss out any opportunity to deliver and grab the chance. However, by doing so the risk is to not give enough thoughts to our actions and strategies. When trying to give an answer and respond too promptly, we may miss to think through an issue thoroughly and from many angles.

Moving too much may resembles a lack of confidence

It may represent a lack of confidence, and executive presence, especially when you speak too fast or move too much. For example, some Presentation Skills workshop teaches to anchor your feet on the ground and stop moving around during presentation. While I do not think that for all cases one should not move at all during the presentation, but moving around, speaking too fast and fidgeting too much does not only distract the audience's attention, but could great enlarge your nervousness. Same principle goes in your career and daily life, speaking too fast in social situation display your nervousness and lack of confidence. You may need to pause and think before you speak or act, to ensure you deliver valuable inputs.

Acting too fast sometimes jeopardize team dynamics


Seeing other team members delaying the progress, a person who is quick in execution may have the natural tendency to jump in and help. Nevertheless, saying "no" or wait for a little more moment, may bring balance to team dynamics. Some team members who takes longer time may be left behind and miss on the opportunity to grow, if you are always stepping in to "help".

Note: Read from Chris Reining, a self made millionaire at 37, why not to be productive?
Instead of being just "productive", aim to deliver VALUE. Always allow yourself some thinking space, and not rush to action, speech or thoughts.

Use your Personality Strengths to Achieve Success

Discover your 5 Personality Strengths to Achieve Success.
How to leverage on our Personality strength to achieve success?

First, let's look at the "Big Five Personality Traits" framework by Psychologist Robert McCrae and Paul Costa, and then how we can leverage for our benefits.

#1: Extroversion vs. Introversion 

People who are extroverted are "energized" and "recharged" in social situations, while the introverted will be "drained" by them, and will need some time-off to be alone for recharging.

Implication there is no good or bad for this one. Knowing yourself helps you to position yourself in terms of energy recharging and interaction style. You can watch a video by Susan Cain on "the power of introverts".


#2: Agreeableness
A person who is altruistic and affectionate is high in this trait, and in oppose, people who are low in this trait is contrary and cynical.

Implication: People who are high in Agreeableness may thrive better in cooperative setting, while if you are lower on the scale, then you may thrive in competitive environment. If you need to work in a cooperative environment, just be mindful on how you are carrying yourself.
Read more about "Machiavellian scale"


#3: Conscientiousness
The person high on this trait is organized, detail-focused, and goal oriented. You can work on this to increase this trait.

Implication: having this trait will help you to complete a task in a discipline manner. You can work on this for personal improvement.


 #4:Neuroticism 
One that is high on this scale are more emotionally instable- they get easily upset, and less able to sustain stress.

Implication: ability to control your emotion is always helpful regardless of what job, role, or position you are in. There is also study that correlate cardiovascular disease with high neuroticism.


#5: Openness 
Openness means the willingness to adventure, expose to new ideas, and find creative solution.

Implication: You may appear to be more traditional if you are low on this trait, and more difficult to grasp abstract ideas. Being open sometimes open doors to more opportunities, and different dimension of seeing things.

What is your personality combination like? Leave a comment below!

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3 Big Motivational Needs as Leaders

What are your Motivational Needs-- they reflects how we think and what we want. David McClelland, a psychologist proposes 3 primary needs that success seekers will try to satisfy, namely "power", "Achievement", and "Affiliation".

#1. Power
This motivation reflects one's need to be influential and able to control and sway others. It is "leadership" in essence.

#2. Achievement
This motivation reflects the drive to excel, and accomplish. One will take challenge and even risk to meet the goals. Some traits for the people motivated by achievement

• care about achievement more than material reward, status, and security
• constantly try to improve
• like flexible job that can set own goals
• love feedback that are accurate
• set realistic goals

3. Affiliation

This motivation reflects the desire for cooperative relationship and alliances with others that are of same interests and understanding. You love a great team with you!

Implication:

1. Knowing your motivation helps you understand how you think, why you do the things you do, and why is might be different from others

2. You could also understand other's motivations and their behavior and adjust and adapt yours accordingly to achieve bigger win

Personally, I am dominantly "Achievement" motivated. I love to improve things and methods, and set targets that I would achieve otherwise feeling down. I appreciate honest feedback, and providing  honest feedback to others to help them gain perspectives.


In an organization of course there will be mixtures of personalities with different personality needs, and being able to see where others are coming from, and how are you motivated, can help you to adapt to successful communication and working dynamics.

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8 Key Points: How Intelligent Are You

Am I Intelligent?
Howard Gardner, a famous Harvard Psychologist define 8 types of intelligence:

#1. Verbal-linguistic- 
You may be good in language, such as writing, telling stories, reading, songs, essay, etc.

#2. Mathematical-logical: 
You have special inclination towards numbers, logics, and reasoning, categorization, etc.

#3. Musical-rhythmic- 
You have special talent in songs, rhyme, sound, and rhythm.

#4. Visual Spatial- 
You remember best using pictures and images.

#5. Bodily-kinesthetic - 
You are great in movement, and energetic

#6. Interpersonal- 
You interact well with others and are skillful in communication, be it verbal or non-verbal ones.

#7. Intrapersonal- 
You are good in reflecting and self-awareness, you spend time alone and is comfortable with this.


#8. Naturalist- 
You care deeply about nature, and love to be outdoor.

The implication for us is to understand that there are many dimensions to intelligence. Next time, if you can't figure out the math problem, or can't get the rhythm to the music, know that you may be good at something else. I always quote the example of one friend of mine who could Ace all the mathematics and physics subject easily, but got a solid C in the basic class in Psychology.

Also, it is important to know what is the intelligence of your kid, and build them in that direction. They will feel confident, and whatever they are good in naturally doing, they can perform so much better if they are trained in that area.

What are you SMART in?